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A Dramione fic

December 27th, 2009 (09:26 am)

I volunteered as a pinch hitter for one of the recent fic exchanges, began writing madly (because the deadline was short), then heard from the mod that my story wasn’t needed, and was left with a broken fic (which I hope to mend shortly), plus this ‘deleted scene’, which doesn’t fit with the rest, but I’m quite fond of it!

It's been tried and tested at dramione.

Title: Some things Muggles do better
Pairing: Draco/Hermione
Rating: R
Word count: 1000-ish
Warnings: None
Summary: Hermione has an anniversary gift for Draco.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or films. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Some things Muggles do better

“Granger, you ready?”

It’s their second wedding anniversary and his mother has all but bankrupted his father putting on a celebratory banquet; he’s spent a whole week preparing his stupid speech; and Granger’s refused to show him what she’ll be wearing.

He is stressed.


She walks into his dressing room wearing her new robes—but they’re not robes, they’re a Muggle evening gown of the softest cream velvet, cut to hug all of her curves and with a neckline that’s been cleverly designed—obviously by a Muggle man—to look as though it’s unbuttoned and falling open, affording him tantalising glimpses of the ivory silk bustier cupping her breasts...

“Bloody hell, Granger,” he mutters, pulling her down onto his lap, “there’s no way I’m letting you out of this room dressed like...” He frowns. “You have make-up on your tits.”

“It’s supposed to give a deep cleavage effect—is it too much?”

“Too much? Not if you’re happy for every man at the banquet to die of a hard-on.” He grimaces. “Obviously, not my father, or Potter, or Old Weasley—well, maybe Old Weasley, but not—”

Don’t, Malfoy,”—she grabs his hand—“you’ll smudge it!”

She kisses his fingers and, keeping his hand at her mouth, she looks at him, speculatively.

“What?” he asks.

“I’m wondering whether to give you your anniversary present now.”

Yes, he mouths.

“Merlin, Malfoy, you’re such a kid! All right, wait here a minute.”

“I’ve no intention of going anywhere...”

He turns to the mirror, and works on his hair until she comes running back and, seating herself on his lap again, hands him a parcel wrapped in pale blue paper and tied with a dark blue ribbon.

It’s obviously a book, but tucked under the ribbon there’s something else.

He pulls it out and looks at it—it’s white, about the length of a Muggle fountain pen but thicker, and it has a small hole, like a window, in its side. “What am I supposed to do with this?” he asks.

“Nothing,” she says, smiling. “I’ve already done it.”

“Done what?”

“Peed on it.”

Granger!” He drops it into her lap.

“I’ve washed it since, silly.” She hands it back. “Do you see the two blue lines?”

“Of course. What are they?”

“Your son,” she says, proudly. “Well, evidence of your son.”

He stares at her, open-mouthed, and she laughs and wraps her arms around his neck. “It’s a Muggle pregnancy test, Malfoy. I’m pregnant.” She hugs him tightly.

“You mean,” he murmurs against her cheek, “you mean I’m going to be a father?”

“Well, technically, you are a father.” She leans back, and takes his hand, and places it on her stomach.

“Oh, Granger... Oh, Granger, Granger.” He suddenly pulls his hand away, panicking. “But I... We shouldn’t have... Granger, you should have told me before. Before I—”

She presses her finger to his lips. “It’s all right. Really. Open your other present.”


“This.” She pulls the parcel from where it’s slipped down between them, and hands it to him. “Open it.”

“I know it’s a book,” he says, tearing off the paper. “A Muggle book...” He turns it over and reads its title. “Love-making during Pregnancy.”

“It takes you through each trimester, gives you lots of advice, and illustrates special positions...” She presses her lips to his ear. “Because I don’t want you finding alternative accommodation whilst I’m pregnant, Malfoy.”

“Granger!” He’s genuinely hurt—almost angry with her. “What do you think I am? I’d never—”

“That’s not what you said to me when we signed the Marriage Law contract,” she says. “If you won’t have sex with me, I’ll have to find someone else who will—that’s what you said.”

“I was an idiot when I said that! I didn’t know you when I said that—didn’t love you!” He grasps her hands, trying to make her understand. “I would never betray you, Granger, or little Scorpius. Never! I’d charm my own balls off before I did that.”

It takes her a moment to react. “Scorpius?

“Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy.”


“I’ve given this a lot of thought, Granger—”

“It’s ridiculous.”

He says nothing—but he lets his determination show on his face.

She looks at him through narrowed eyes. “I’ve no choice, have I? You’d Confund me until it was too late to stop you.”

“I’d use an Imperius on you,” he says, “and make you smile throughout the naming ceremony.”

There’s an uneasy pause, because they both know that he just might. Then, “Well,” she says, “I suppose it’s no sillier than Draco Abraxas Malfoy.”

“Since I seem to be winning at the moment,” he says, “I’ll let that pass.”

“Remember it’s not my fault, Scorpius,” she says, patting her stomach, “when all the other kids make fun of you. Blame your father.”

He puts his hand over hers. “No one will make fun of a Malfoy, Granger.”

“Keep dreaming, Draco.”

She’s irresistible. He leans in to kiss her nose.

“Did you mean it?” she asks, cupping his face in her hands.

“Mean what?”

“That you’d hex your balls off?”

“Nah.” He smirks. “But I wouldn’t need to. You’ve got me so whipped, Granger, I don’t think it would work with anyone else.”

“Will it work with me, when I’m the size of a Muggle house?”

“Granger...” He imagines her, all warm and rounded, carrying his son, and immediately feels the answer. “It will work even better,” he says. Then he grins, holding up the book. “Do you want to try a bit of Muggle-style shagging,”—she scowls—“I mean, love-making?”

“We’d be late,” she reminds him. “And I’d be blamed, and your father would feel the need to read out our pre-nuptial agreement. Again.”

He leans in slowly, proudly, possessively. “Not this time, Granger,” he murmurs, nuzzling her neck and resting his hand on her stomach. “This time, you’ve got him. From now on, Hermione Granger, you’re a proper Malfoy.”



Posted by: kitty_poker1 (kitty_poker1)
Posted at: December 27th, 2009 02:39 pm (UTC)
HP-Harry Freedom

Beautifully written, with a smidgeon of tenderness amongst the very Draco-ish sark. Loved Hermione's down-to-earth quality, which really does have Draco whipped because he loves it so. *g*

I hadn't thought about it, but if I had a het couple in HP, this would be it.

Posted by: ningloreth (ningloreth)
Posted at: December 28th, 2009 11:24 am (UTC)

Thank you. Coming from one of the world's best betas, that's really made my day :-)

I like the idea of Hermione's being able to accommodate Draco's 'evil', just accept it for what it really is. One of my all time favourite pairings is Richard Channing/Maggie Gioberti from Falcon Crest. Do you remember them? He was the villain & she was the moral heart of the soap but when they got together she always managed to see a good side to him. (It didn't hurt, of course, that the actress obviously fancied David Selby something rotten ;-)

When I first discovered Draco, I needed a (het) pairing for him, and I did consider Luna, but I think Hermione works better because they have so much in common but, at the same time, they're so different.

Posted by: kitty_poker1 (kitty_poker1)
Posted at: December 28th, 2009 01:06 pm (UTC)
HP-Drarry love

I do remember Richard/Maggie! Wow, that's going back. David Selby was rather yummy, so can't blame Susan Sullivan. *g*

I like Hermione. She's morally very centred but not a prig. My slash pairing in the fandom is Harry/Draco and Draco/Hermione works well for similar reasons - the differences are interesting and not insurmountable. Initial antagonism turning into love is a classic trope that never gets old.

Posted by: curiouswombat (curiouswombat)
Posted at: December 27th, 2009 04:33 pm (UTC)
Reading 2

I really do like your grown up Draco and Hermione - actually I like the teenage version too - but I think the older version might be even more fun.

Posted by: ningloreth (ningloreth)
Posted at: December 28th, 2009 11:28 am (UTC)

Thank you! I've read a lot of stories where they're grown up & I think they have so much potential.

I've signed up to write a story for the Draco Big Bang, and I'm planning to have them solve a murder (what else?) in the murky depths of Knocckturn Alley.

Posted by: curiouswombat (curiouswombat)
Posted at: December 28th, 2009 01:42 pm (UTC)
suitable job for a lady

Point me at it when it is posted!

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: ningloreth (ningloreth)
Posted at: December 31st, 2009 11:57 am (UTC)

Thank you :-) Glad you liked it!

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