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ningloreth [userpic]

I DO NOT HAVE A CAT

December 8th, 2018 (04:12 pm)
Tags: , ,

I came back off holiday on Wednesday and stepped into a Kafka-esque nightmare.

The front door was stuck, but that wasn't a problem. (I got in through the back door and managed to open it from inside).

The heating was broken, but that wasn't a problem. (The wind had blown the pilot light out).

The problem was a note from my brother, P, saying (suspiciously, I thought): PHONE ME WHEN YOU GET HOME NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT (my italics).

It seems that someone has reported me to the RSPCA for swanning off on holiday and leaving my cat to fend for itself.

I don't have a cat.

I've never had a cat.

My brother phoned the RSPCA to tell them that I don't have a cat. It took him half an hour to get through to someone.

P: She doesn't have a cat.
RSPCA: We still have to follow up a complaint. We need to talk to her.
P: She's not here. She's on holiday. I'm just coming in to feed the fish and water the plants.
RSPCA: Are you feeding the cat?
P: SHE DOESN'T HAVE A CAT!
RSPCA: We still have to follow up a complaint.

I phoned them myself, first thing Thursday morning. It only took me a quarter of an hour to get through.

ME: I don't have a cat.
RSPCA (as if the informant might have mistaken the species): Do you have any animals?
ME: Just some fish.
RSPCA (as if making an important note): Fish...
ME (breaking down): Surely you can understand how upsetting this is? I would never be cruel to a cat. I don't have a cat. There are cats living on my street, and I sometimes talk to them, but they're not my cats.

Never let yourself get upset when you're talking to a complete arsehole. It will only encourage her to treat you like shit. Yes, I know that the RSPCA is doing an important job, but treating a person as if they're guilty based only on some anonymous person's random accusation is a slippery slope, however good the cause.

I've been waiting for over two days for an inspector to call, and...

Well, how can I prove that I don't own a cat? Obviously, saying that I don't own a cat (until I'm blue in the face) isn't enough. And the absence of food, a litter tray, and a cat flap might merely prove to them what a crap cat owner I am.

God, I'm fed up.

Comments

Posted by: Karen (kazzy_cee)
Posted at: December 8th, 2018 07:09 pm (UTC)

But .... but .... WHAT!!!???

This is ludicrous!!

Posted by: ningloreth (ningloreth)
Posted at: December 8th, 2018 11:59 pm (UTC)
legolas_stamp

I know! It's like living in a comedy sketch.

Posted by: Karen (kazzy_cee)
Posted at: December 11th, 2018 08:19 am (UTC)

Anonymous comment is me :)

Posted by: ningloreth (ningloreth)
Posted at: December 11th, 2018 08:12 pm (UTC)
christmas_baubles

LOL! Thank you!

I went to the Manchester Christmas Market with my sister-in-law and niece, and we had a lovely time. The stalls are all wooden, and some of them are amazing -- there was one German sausage stall with a 40ft (I'd estimate) tower above, with a wooden figures rotating inside, and a big propeller on top, like one of those decorations that turns when you light the candle... I wish I'd had my camera!

I've heard nothing from the RSPCA. I expect them to turn up on Saturday, when my entire family will be here for a pre-Christmas dinner :-)

Posted by: curiouswombat (curiouswombat)
Posted at: December 8th, 2018 10:53 pm (UTC)
Good Grief

Oh good grief! That is ridiculous. But, yes - how do you prove non-ownership of a cat?

I hope they have either realised how ridiculous it is to send an inspector, or said inspector turns out to be an actual, normal, human who simply believes you.

Posted by: ningloreth (ningloreth)
Posted at: December 9th, 2018 12:03 am (UTC)
eowyn_stag

I hadn't thought of that -- yes, an inspector who's a normal human being might just do it!

Posted by: brutti_ma_buoni (brutti_ma_buoni)
Posted at: December 8th, 2018 11:09 pm (UTC)

For everyone who isn't living through this, this reads like a wonderfully Kafkaesque humorous device. But bloody hell, that must be infuriating in reality. Good luck proving your catlessness. However that is adjudged.

Posted by: ningloreth (ningloreth)
Posted at: December 9th, 2018 12:08 am (UTC)
christmas_baubles

I know -- when I was writing it I thought, "This actually sounds funny."

Thank you :-)

Posted by: Maz (thismaz)
Posted at: December 9th, 2018 06:08 am (UTC)

OMGoodness!! That is just... I don't know. I hope the inspector is more reasonable when they come around. Good luck!

Posted by: ningloreth (ningloreth)
Posted at: December 9th, 2018 02:26 pm (UTC)
legolas_snow

Thank you :-)

I'm still waiting!

Posted by: Maz (thismaz)
Posted at: December 11th, 2018 05:31 am (UTC)

Still waiting?

In spite of that, I do hope you have a very

and an altogether lovely day.

Posted by: ningloreth (ningloreth)
Posted at: December 11th, 2018 08:14 pm (UTC)
eowyn_stag

Yes, still waiting!

Thank you :-) I've had a lovely day at the Manchester Christmas Market with my sister-in-law and niece.

Posted by: Ree (reetinkerbell)
Posted at: December 9th, 2018 10:09 am (UTC)
DW - Ten Black & White

Oh no! I'm glad your brother was there to at least try to get them to see reason. I agree that they are doing an important job, but honestly, when they treat everyone as if they are the scum of the Earth without listening to reason, then it can be quite frustrating.

I hope that it is sorted out soon, and that the person who reported you (probably a neighbour!!) won't do it again but will actually realise you don't have a cat!

(Side note; I do actually want a cat, but I'm allergic and since I can't afford a non-allergic breed at the moment, I probably couldn't afford any other cat either.)

Posted by: ningloreth (ningloreth)
Posted at: December 9th, 2018 02:28 pm (UTC)
christmas_cake

What a shame you can't have a cat. I have problems with their fleas and, to be honest, I'm a bit scared of them so, although I talk to them, I don't stroke them.

I'm still waiting for the inspector!

Posted by: bunn (bunn)
Posted at: December 9th, 2018 10:18 am (UTC)

This is so WEIRD. Normally the complaints I see about the RSPCA are about them not wanting to send out inspectors even when there's video evidence!

I'm sure it will be sorted out OK, but I totally see why you are upset.

Posted by: ningloreth (ningloreth)
Posted at: December 9th, 2018 02:31 pm (UTC)
eowyn_stag

TBH, that makes me feel a bit better. My brother's convinced they'll forget to come but, for me, that's the worst scenario because -- as I pointed out to him -- I have nothing to hide, LOL, & I want them to acknowledge it!

Posted by: sparrow2000 (sparrow2000)
Posted at: December 9th, 2018 09:57 pm (UTC)

Oh good grief, that's totally surreal. I do hope you get someone sensible coming out to see you that realises how ludicrous the situation is.

Posted by: ningloreth (ningloreth)
Posted at: December 11th, 2018 08:15 pm (UTC)
legolas_stamp

Thank you! I'm still waiting but if they turn up now I think I will just laugh, so maybe the wait is a good thing :-)

Posted by: sparrow2000 (sparrow2000)
Posted at: December 13th, 2018 02:53 am (UTC)

All I can say is, if they don't turn up, they obviously aren't that worried about your imaginary cat!!

And while I'm here, with the time difference, I'm late for your birthday, so I hope you had a lovely day, cat issues aside. May the next year be all you could hope for.

sparrow

Posted by: ningloreth (ningloreth)
Posted at: December 13th, 2018 08:50 am (UTC)
christmas_cake

Thank you!

(I'm expecting them to come on Saturday, when I'll have a house full of guests :-)

Posted by: velvetwhip (velvetwhip)
Posted at: December 10th, 2018 03:24 pm (UTC)
Bugger

Oh how horrid! If you find out who made this preposterous complaint, they deserve a sound trouncing!


Gabrielle

Posted by: ningloreth (ningloreth)
Posted at: December 11th, 2018 08:17 pm (UTC)
christmas_rudolph

I think it's knowing that it must have been a neighbour that's the most upsetting part. I will certainly give them a Hard Stare :-)

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